Tuesday I ended up having an emotionally difficult evening. In the morning, I had cheerfully packed a lunch and coffee walked up to the library, about five miles. I got there in time for my computer tutoring session at ten, but he called and canceled because after a night with their sick baby, they had just taken her to the hospital. I spent the day enjoying having time to write the blog about the Idaho trip, map out my travel website and check the links, make lists of what still needed to be done on it, leave holiday messages on "e-mail members" on all my meet-ups.
At 4 PM I walked the quarter-mile to to the Boys & Girls Club for the caroler's last rehearsal. I allowed myself to become completely mentally discombobulated by a very rude staff-member, sent to "help" me as we rehearsed in a separate room who kept criticizing what I was doing and how I was doing it, in front of the kids. As all staff members at the B & Gs Club have always treated me with warmth and kindness, the rudeness was completely unexpected, and caused me to start forgetting some of the words of the three songs we were doing, though I'd practiced them so many times.
Afterwards Dale Sr. came to pick me up, and I was in tears the entire ride home. A long phone call with Nancy (punctuated with my blowing my nose loudly into a bandana handkerchief) helped a great deal. She had me think back to how I felt physically when the verbal attack was going on (a panicky tightness in my chest) and to figure out in my mind what the fear was that was sending my body into that panic. This fear might be illogical if analyzed unemotionally, but to my physical, sub-conscious self it was a very real fear, a way of alerting me that there was a very real danger happening.
By re-living the experience with Nancy, I realized that I what I felt was fear of losing my good standing at the Club, the respect of the children, and ultimately of losing the drama club itself. It helped to bring up these fears and visualize them, because it was so obvious that one rude employee was not going to cause all of those things to happen!
I also told Nancy how much I feared having to ride the bus with this same rude girl the following evening, as it would just be the two of us with the kids again (she would be the driver). Nancy suggested that if the person were rude again, I concentrate on observing my own reaction, and my emotions would be less likely to snowball.
(My extreme reaction to this person's behavior might be partially explained by my eight years, when I first started with the school system, of having to work for a teacher who would belittle me in front of the kids, and then still expect me to take them to the library on my own and have them respect me enough to behave perfectly.)
The following evening, the kids' performances (at a restaurant-bar, at an assisted-living place, and at the Village Inn restaurant) turned out to be wonderfully fun and satisfying. The kids were so excited, sang with loud gusto and enthusiasm, and the audiences were completely bowled over. Members of the Board of the Apache Junction Boys & Girls Club, adults in red shirts and "santa hats" sang behind the kids, and afterwards showered me with compliments.
(I made this sketch because I wanted you to get an idea of my little group of carolers, but the Boys & Girls Club policy is not to put photos of any of the kids on the internet.) I did use a photo to help me make the sketch. For the same reason, I made no effort to get good likenesses of the kids.
That same formerly rude young woman was absolutely charming to me, all evening! The directors must have noticed that I was upset when I left the night before, and said something to her. Her friendly attitude was a great relief! (In the future, however, I'll have my guard up, and I certainly will never ask for her help again, if at all possible.)
Thursday was another long walk, a phone consultation appointment with my estate lawyer, and an evening trip to the Christmas tree lot. I walked up to the bank where my savings acount is, about four miles, to get a cashier's checks for a large bill which was due. Then a couple of miles back down Starbucks. Out on their patio I called John C. Lincoln, the estate lawyer who is doing the re-write on my will. (He complimented you, Nancy, on how helpful and knowledgeable you were to him during his phone calls with you.) I really like Mr. Lincoln and am glad he's not retired yet.
Dale Sr. came to pick me up and said that his uncle Ted had died, in the hospital, from pneumonia which developed while he was in recovery from a heart operation. We went to Safeway for some groceries and ran into Dale Jr. in the parking lot. We talked about Ted, a real character who was once Sheriff of Pinal County.
Then we went to buy the Christmas tree. The lot smelled so good because all the trees were sitting in plastic tubs filled with water, keeping them fresh. One of the salesmen took this "selfie" using my phone before I even knew what he was doing. It was a pretty original sales technique; he didn't know that the other salesman already had his claim on us!
I called Lawson when we got home to tell them about Uncle Ted; they were quite fond of each other. Ted had told me that he really missed Lawson when he moved to Phoenix. They used to see each other at Dale Sr.'s Wednesday "guys' nights".
Friday and Saturday I spent writing Christmas cards (about fifty of them) and doing some cleaning because I'd invited a few friends to drop by on Sunday.
Dale's aunt Donna called and told us that Ted's funeral would held on January 7th. It seems a long time to me, but it may be that they wanted to wait until after the holidays. She seemed to be doing all right. She has a lot of family living near-by, their son Jeff and his family. It also helps that they live in a development which has a club-house and ladies who are ready to make the arrangements for the buffet afterwards. I called Lawson and told him of the arrangements.
Ted and Donna came to many of our parties, including the most recent one which we held in September to honor my friend Laure's June graduation.
I woke at 3:00 AM Saturday, to winds whipping around outside, strong enough that one could hear some crashing sounds around the neighborhood. (Trailer awnings coming down). I woke having to go to the bathroom and found that Dale Sr. was up reading. He'd tried several times to get to sleep and failed. He made a fire and went back to bed, and I sat looking at the cheerful fire and listening to the wind outside. I even slid open the back patio door (security door still closed) better to hear the wind! It was wasteful to have the fire going with the door wide open. But I have always loved listening to the wind.
Sunday was nice, even though I never got the Christmas tree brought in and decorated. I did get the house nice and clean and brought out some of the delicate blue-and-white German dishes, and started rolls and stew meat. My friend Sylvia, and Merrill and her husband Joe came by about the same time, in the early afternoon, and we had a nice chat.
I enjoyed using the delicate cups and saucers, dishes, and told Merrill the story of the old lady giving that set of dishes to Dale Sr., and that I had said to myself, a couple of years ago, that I could no longer allow myself to keep them unless I actually used them once a year at least. Merrill's husband Joe chuckled. Merrill said, "He knows he could get rid of a lot of stuff if we used that rule."
Laure was the other friend who stopped by, and she came in the early evening. We had a good conversation with red wine and treats, and exchanged Christmas gifts. I decided having an "at-home" day for a few close friends was a nice thing to do during the holiday season.
Yesterday morning's dental appointment was much easier than expected because the cavities were so small. The usual numbing shots weren't even needed. They didn't clean my teeth because the periodontist prefers to have that done at his office at the same Wednesday appointment as the laser gum surgery.
In the evening Dale Sr. and I went out to Gold Canyon to visit our friend Marilyn, who is slowly recovering from pneumonia. Dale Sr. had made her a tub of the turkey noodle soup he had made from the smoked turkey carcasses and meat left over from Thanksgiving. In addition, I took her a container of the "Aunt Sis' Brown Sugar Cookies" which I'd baked Sunday. (Following Kathy's example, I'd not baked them, or any cookies, for about a decade!)
Marilyn is having to spend a lot of time helping her father, who is in his nineties, care for her mother, who has more and more signs of dementia (and often, a nasty temper). I am not at all sure that they have money to pay to hire someone to care for them full-time, and it looks like that time will be soon. (It makes me realize, for the nth time, how lucky we are.) I believe that her parents do own their home, though, so perhaps they can do what is called a "reverse mortgage" and use the equity in their home to pay for their care-takers.
Love,
Lennie
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